Mater = mother
Focal = what is central, important
Matrifocal = a family structure in which the mother is the most important figure; families headed by a woman
"We are matrifocal," grandmother Twylah reminds us after breakfast one morning.
"Women of the Great Peaceful Nations, the Iroquois community, are responsible for keeping our culture intact, strong, thriving. We are responsible for maintaining, and defining at times, all political, social, spiritual and economic matters that arise.
"The women make all the important decisions concerning the well being of the community: how much corn to plant, how many deer to harvest, the election the fifty sachems/chiefs who govern (and if they speak for war, we can revoke their title and authority), the resolution of differences, relationships with other nations, when and where to construct the winter long house. . . decisions, decisions.
"And not by majority rule; by consensus.
"Women understand that sometimes it is the quietest voice whose words are loudest, sometimes it is the shyest woman who sees with the most clarity, sometimes it is the least popular opinion that serves the people best."
"How did they do that?" I ask, eager to understand. "I've been in groups of women many times and it is always a challenge to come to any decision, even the decision to make a decision. And some women talk endlessly without offering much, while others — often with important ideas and feelings — need an 'engraved invitation' to speak."
"The Council of Crones passed the talking stick," grandmother replied with that special twinkle in her eyes that told us something special was in the air and on the tip of her tongue.
"The rule of the talking stick is that only the wo/man holding the stick may speak. No interruptions. No comments. No questions. Listen."
Susun will find that it is, indeed, a listening stick as much as a talking stick.
"The talking stick is the great tool of peace. Listening to each other is critical to peace.
"And you need to listen more," she said turning to me. "Take this idea and manifest it every day in your life."
And I do. Every day since then, over 40 years ago, I have led a talking stick ceremony. Some days, more than once. No matter where I am, my day begins by listening to those I am with as the talking stick is passed. I still my inner chatter, put aside the task list forming in my mind, and turn my attention outward. Listening.
And I do. In Germany I learn that the guilds also used a talking stick.
And I do. In Australia, the aunties gift grandmother Two Worlds with a woman's digging stick (for the eyes of those-who-bleed-and-do-not-die only) which has become the talking stick for the Green Goddess Week.
And I do. A red scarf woven by a Mexican midwife is the moonlodge talking "stick."
And I do. Green Goddess Week begins tomorrow. We will have a talking stick ceremony every day, plus one at moonlodge.
I welcome you to the talking stick circle. Come join me and the green goddesses at the moonlodge. Experience the peaceful magic of listening to other women. Hold the talking stick and listen to yourself. Share a matrifocal time. Reclaim your voice.
I walk in beauty, listening.
I breathe with the plants, listening.
I walk barefoot on the earth, listening.
I share green blessings.
I listen.
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